News and World Affairs: The French Suck! Plus, They Like Cheese!
According to the "Current and World Affairs" display in my neighborhood Barnes & Noble, the French suck. Also news, when not engaged in sucking, the French like them some cheese.
As a matter of fact, the French suck so much that we are having trouble figuring out how can their pie holes could ever be unoccupied long enough to enjoy any of their much beloved cheese. Do they not actually eat the cheese? Are there other, nonconsumption based ways of enjoying cheese that we Americans are unaware of?
We do not know. We had questions, but no easy answeres. Being scientist (what, you thought we just had a lab for fun...), we did a quick but thorough empirical study of the Barnes & Noble "Current and World Affairs" display and learned something stunning. Books about "how much the French suck" out numbered books by Michael Savage to be a startling 3 to one.
We encourage everyone not to overreact to these findings. It is only one study, and has not yet been subject to a full peer review. Still, our calculations indicate that the French may actually suck three times as much as liberals do. This is mindboggling news and it raise many, many more questions.
Questions that need answers ... Questions like:
The mind boggles! Where will future research into these questions lead? We don't know.
The one thing we do know is that we will have no problem recruiting research assistants for our next study. The study is tentatively titled :
Grinding Metal Labs will be putting in for NIS funding for this study as soon as we can polish up some of the language in our grant application. Speaking of which, anybody know of a better way to say
As a matter of fact, the French suck so much that we are having trouble figuring out how can their pie holes could ever be unoccupied long enough to enjoy any of their much beloved cheese. Do they not actually eat the cheese? Are there other, nonconsumption based ways of enjoying cheese that we Americans are unaware of?
We do not know. We had questions, but no easy answeres. Being scientist (what, you thought we just had a lab for fun...), we did a quick but thorough empirical study of the Barnes & Noble "Current and World Affairs" display and learned something stunning. Books about "how much the French suck" out numbered books by Michael Savage to be a startling 3 to one.
We encourage everyone not to overreact to these findings. It is only one study, and has not yet been subject to a full peer review. Still, our calculations indicate that the French may actually suck three times as much as liberals do. This is mindboggling news and it raise many, many more questions.
Questions that need answers ... Questions like:
How is this possible? Did France use secret Nazi eugenics technology discovered after the war to turn their entire population into Nietzscheian Ubersuckers? Is France a country populated entirely by Jungian 'skin flute player' archetypes? Could every citizen of France somehow be a living embodyment of the Plato's Ideal dicksucker?
The mind boggles! Where will future research into these questions lead? We don't know.
The one thing we do know is that we will have no problem recruiting research assistants for our next study. The study is tentatively titled :
"A Clinical Survey of The French People's Sucking prowess"
Grinding Metal Labs will be putting in for NIS funding for this study as soon as we can polish up some of the language in our grant application. Speaking of which, anybody know of a better way to say
"Research aids will be responsible for get'n blown by as many smokin' French hotties as possible"?
posted by mad science at 3:05 PM
1 Comments:
Perhaps they suck the cheese?... I would suspect that Dr Savage's response to being outnumbers by books about how the French suck is that it is a conspiracy by pinko leftist publishing companies... As for your research project - don't tell my wife this, but - how do you volunteer to be a research assistant again?... Notorius Mjt!
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