Oh waiter. There's a pair of gold cufflinks in my soup. Could you it back and bring me a bowl with the platinum ones instead?

According to this article in the New York Times, noted republican lobbyist and alleged fraud miester Jack Abramoff decided to take the middle man out of the wining and dining of his clients so that he could pass the savings directly on to the various republican congressmen and senators he is accused of bribing.

Instead of taking his high powered pigs to someone else's trough, Mr. Abramoff decided to opened his own trough; a swank Washington eatery called Signatures.

So what do you have to put on the plates to get the corrupt republican crowd through the door? Lets take a quick glance at the menu and find out:

Grilled Ribeye - Served with glazed vegetables, garlic mashers and a side of ACER custom built Titanium golf clubs * .... $52.98 **

Pecan Crusted Salmon - Served with grilled vegetables, cous cous, and a Rolex Navigator side salad *** ............................... $65.99 **

Buffalo Burger - Half pound, ground buffalo patty cooked to your liking served on a toasted onion roll. Comes with a your choice of a heaping pile of freshly stolen Indian cash **** or a small side salad ......................................................................................... $39.95 **

* "ACER Custom Built Titanium golf clubs" side dish available only to prominent republican congressmen and senators.
**Sometimes we just plain forget (wink) to bring you the check. Especially if you are a republican member of the house or senate.
*** "Rolex Navigator side salad" available only to prominent republican congressmen and senators.
**** Piles of stolen Indian cash available only to prominent republican congressmen and senators.

Sounds yummy. If I was a crooked republican congressman I know I would want to eat there.

Anyhooo. According to the article, Signatures gave away $180,000 in free food and drink over an 17 month period. During the same period, Mr. Abramoff ran up a personal tab of around $65,000. Which all adds up to a whole lot of steak and martinis and that's a little worrisome. Feeding $245,000 in highly fattening food and drink to a small group of prominent Washington republicans could significantly elevate their risk of high blood pressure, stroke, and heart attack. So we sure hope that Mr. Abramoff had the foresight to throw in a free treadmill or gym membership for all his frequent bribies dinners.