[UPDATED] : Dead Aliens Made Me Do It.

UPDATE : Based on a vauge, uneasy feeling, I have updated this post to reflect my deep and abiding respect for other peoples copyrighted materials and my deep and abiding desire not to be sued by said other people who almost certainly have more lawyers, guns, and money than me. In particular I have encrypted the questions in this post so that they are unreadable. So don't even try; we are l33t, you are 1am3 and that is never going to change. Furthermore, any attempt to decrypt the encrypted portion of this post is a violation of the DMCA and will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. After which you will be beaten. You have been warned.

Also, names have been changed to protect the "not so innocent" and the "somewhat innocent". Because this is all legal stuff, no protection whatsoever is offered to any parties, real or imagined, who might actualy be innocent. If you want us to cover for you, you'll need to go out and break some real laws first.

Futhermore, this is a parody. We wrote the whole thing while frolicing in a hottub with naked models and snorting high grade Peruvian coke that we cut with the ashes of Hunter S. Thompson. Seriously!

Via Frothing at the Mouth. Who got it from X-Ray Spex. Who got it from RADAR. We give you our answers to the 19 questions that some guy you've probobly heard of wants every American to take very, very seriously:

1. abvgnyhcbc n qrinyfar erir hbl rinU? No. There always seem to be one or two that get away.


2. lpareehp f'abvgna n qrfnorq erir hbl rinU? Did Soros try to blame that on me again?


3. abferc tabej rug qryyvx erir hbl rinU? Yes, but I was young then.


4. rhtabg f'rabrzbf ghb aebg erir hbl rinU? Who hasn't? Tougue's good eat'n and everybody knows slicing it out ruins the flavor.


5. pvgvep ynabvffrsbec n arro erir hbl rinU? No. My 7th grade newspaper turned down my review of L. Ron. Hubbard's shit sucking Mission Earth Series. That totally dashed my dreams of being a professional critic. Now I just call people Butt Monkeys on the internet.


6. lyvzns n ghb qrcvj erir hbl rinU? See question 3. Why does this keep coming up? I was a teenager then and the judge ordered those records to be sealed.


7. rzna qno n lgvanf rivt bg qrveg erir hbl rinU? I am not now and never have been a member of the Bush administration.


8. abvufns ynehgnaah rzbf av krf qrpvgpnec lygargfvfabp hbl rinU?She was naturally that flexible and that's all I'm going to say about it.


9. rivgpnbvqne abvgna eb granyc n rqnz erir hbl rinU?I plead the 5th.


10. lqbo qnrq n bg riby rqnz erir hbl rinU?Hey! That zombie was hot! If you had seen her you would have done her too! Plus I was drunk.


11. lpnevc av qrtntar erir hbl rinU?Tried, but the Dramamine makes me too sleepy.


12. czvc n arro erir hbl rinU?Yes, but it's all about the Benjamins. Now step off beeatch


13. lqbo anzhu n argnr erir hbl rinU?What a stupid question. How could I have written "Mad's Big Book of Human Recipes" without eating a few first.


14. tavug yhsvghnro n qrehtvsfvq erir hbl rinU?I have a blog, does that count?


15. frvprcf n qrgnavzergkr erir hbl rinU?Ok you caught me, I'm actually The Great Integalactic Warlord Xenu. It's been a good run but I guess it's game over now.


16. erabvghprkr ynabvffrsbec n arro erir hbl rinU?No, I was an amateur executioner in collage and some people (ie. Mom) wanted me to turn pro after my junior year, but I had Olympic dreams ... dreams that were all dashed by a nasty trigger finger injury. (sob) I'm sorry I'm gona to need a moment before we continue.


17. rzna qno n fgbobe arivt erir hbl rinU?Look, when the robots get their shit together we will take back all the bad things we have said. That Dr. Spock book says children do best when they receive appropriate positive and negative reinforcement and if it's good enough for rugrats it's good enough for those rusty old bolts for brains robots.


18. cneg lobbo n grf erir hbl rinU?Please. It's called a "booby snare", we have a license to use it, and we always follow a strict "catch, tag, and release" policy. Plus it's all important scientific research.


19. erqnry ehbl rhpfre bg qryvns erir hbl rinU?We begged to Pope not to take that fight, but the man would not listen.