Janice Rogers Brown - From Poverty to Batshit Crazy : One Judges Inspiring journey.

On 09 June 2005, as thunder - well... er... thundered ( writing's hard! ), madmen laughed, and lightning cracked across the senate chamber floor, the Batshit crazies brought their latest horror to life.

Behold the pure, unblemished batshit craziness that is "Judge Janice Rogers Brown".

Now go hide your children.

Prior to this, the Bat crazies greatest accomplishment was bringing a couple of articles from the Onion to life. That feat pales in comparison to getting the New York Times to publish an article titled :

New Judge Sees Slavery in Liberalism

But Judge Janice Rogers Brown is more than just a stupid headline. She walks, she talks, she swings a gavel, and she says things, batshit crazy things like:

"In the heyday of liberal democracy, all roads lead to slavery," she has warned in speeches. Society and the courts have turned away from the founders' emphasis on personal responsibility, she has argued, toward a culture of government regulation and dependency that threatens fundamental freedoms.

Right, because our founding fathers expected things like Love Canal and Monsanto's rape of Anniston to happen. Hell every one knows that article 30027 of Federalist Papers specifically says :

"When the powerful fuck entire communities in the pursuit of profit, citizens should exercise their fundamental freedom to 'shutting the fuck up and take it like the little bitches that they are'. Anything less is a gross abdication of personal responsibility."

Or at least that's what the federalist Papers seem to say in Judge Janice Rogers Brown world.

We should point out that the batshit crazy train just picks up speed from here. Since prolonged exposure to batshit crazy this pure can do long term psychological damage, we suggest you protect yourself by chanting the ancient mantra that Buddhist monks use to ward off madness. We'll practice once just to make sure everyone knows the words:

iee iee iee iee
Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

Yes, we know. Our mantra sounds exactly like the chorus of "Crazy Train". What of it? If you think you can find a better Bodisapha than Ozzie in a time like this you're welcome to try, but we don't advise it.

Now if, at any time, Judge Brown's statements start to make sense please stop reading and bust out with the mantra a few times. Try to sound like as much like Ozzie as you can, that will help.

Now back to the batshit crazy:

"We no longer find slavery abhorrent," she told the conservative Federalist Society a few years ago. "We embrace it." She explained in another speech, "If we can invoke no ultimate limits on the power of government, a democracy is inevitably transformed into a kleptocracy - a license to steal, a warrant for oppression."

"And that's why I oppose the Bush administration, the republican controlled congress, and the republican controlled senate and will use all my authority as a newly appointed federal judge to fight them at every turn!" she went on to say. Oh... wait ... our bad, that's what any sane person would have said. Judge brown is the polar opposite of sane; she is seriously, fucking whacked.

Please join me now in another round of our mantra.

iee iee iee iee
Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train ...

Her friends and supporters say her views of slavery underpin her judicial philosophy. It was her study of that history, they say, combined with her evangelical Christian faith and her self-propelled rise from poverty that led her to abandon the liberal views she learned from her family.

You see, according to the article Judge Brown was seduced into a liberal way of thinking back when she was young and :

"Her family was involved in the voting rights movement in Alabama..."

. Those damned, dirty liberals! Always seducing all the innocent, impressionable, young black women with their hot, throbbing voting rights and their turgid, thrusting plans to end segregation. What's a girl to do?

The article makes it clear that future batshit crazies should view Judge Brown's early years as a cautionary tale:

She was inspired to become a lawyer by the career of Fred D. Gray, an Alabama civil rights lawyer who represented Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr.

Think about how you would feel if a dirty old liberal like Fred D. Gray invited you out for dinner one night after a long day of fighting social injustice only instead of taking you to dinner he got you drunk and made you go to law school. When you finally wake up three years later feeling dirty and used, you have a splitting headache and a bunch of suspicious stains on your blouse. You've clearly been taken advantage of and all you have to show for it is a stupid law degree and some groddy liberal jizz on your chin. What would you do? You would reach for a towel! That's what you would do! And if there wasn't a towel around you would reach for the Federalist Society!

Right? Whatever! Time for another shot of Crazy Train:

iee iee iee iee
Mental wounds not healing
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

Now back to mainlining the crazy:

"We discuss things like, 'How did slavery happen?' " said her friend and mentor Steve Merksamer, a lawyer in Sacramento, Calif. "It comes down to the fact that she believes, as I do, that some things are, in fact, right and some things are, in fact, wrong. Segregation - even though the courts had sustained it for a hundred years - was morally indefensible and legally indefensible and yet it was the law of the land," he said. "She brings that philosophy to her legal work."

Wooo Hooo! Segregation was wrong! That's fucking cutting edge legal reasoning if I ever heard it. Right up there with "rain is wet" and "shit stinks".

In regards to segregation and Judge Browns deeply held evangelical Christian faith; can I just point out that, by and large, black southern Baptist were the only evangelicals who had the dream? Can I point out that evangelical Christians in this country do not general have a good track record when it comes to listening to their better angels?

I would go on, but right now I need some gin and I need Sam to "play it":
iee iee iee iee
Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train

Ok. Now here's the kicker. According to the article, Judge Brown is :

...often cited as a potential candidate for the Supreme Court, in part because of her politically appealing life story.

I'll admit, Judge Brown started with very little and rose through hard work and determination to the pinnacle of batshit crazyness and that's something. I guess you can find some people who call that appealing. I just call it crazy ... batshit fucking crazy. But that's the world we live in, so let's hit out mantra one more time:

iee iee iee iee
Mental wounds still screaming
Driving me insane
I'm going off the rails on a crazy train