We Join the Big Fake Debate over Mrs Schiavo's Poor Dead Brain

We here at Grinding Metal Labs tried really hard to stay the hell away from the whole Schiavo fake debate thing. But the right-to-a-brain-dead-life crowd has brought so many fake experts in to lie about the state of Mrs. Schiavo's brain that even folks who generally lie for a living are starting to complain.

Unfortunately the right-to-live-and-die-in-a-republic crowd continues to believe this is a real debate over a real issue and they keep sending real, serious judges and doctors and other qualified heath professionals to make their boring relevant points.

It's a travesty. Everyone know you can't have a real fake debate about a fake issue unless both sides are willing to provide fake experts on the fake subject.

Since the rest of the reality based community continues to treat this like a real debate where real facts matter , we here at Grinding Metal Labs are now forced to wade into the fray with our own fake medical expert held high; hoping against hope that we can restore some balance to the big fat fake debate about the state Terri Schiavo's poor dead brain.

So we present Grinding Metal Labs own fake medical expert: Dr. Leonard "Bones" McCoy of the Starship Enterprise *:

Kirk : Bones! What's ... wrong ... with her?
McCoy : She's brain dead Jim!
Kirk : Good god Bones you have to ... do ... something ... for her!
McCoy : Dammit Jim I'm a doctor not a miracle worker. Medical Science can't cure a dead brain.
Kirk : But ... Bones, what about ... Spock's Brain? You ... fixed ... that.
McCoy : That was different Jim. Spock's brain wasn't dead in that episode. All I had to do was put it back in his head.
Kirk : Wait! Bones ... what about ... Captain Pike? His brain was ... dead but ... we got him that ... cool chair and ... then the Talosians...
McCoy : God Dammit Jim! Pike's brain wasn't dead. His body was. That's point of the damned episode.
Kirk : I'm ... not ... following you ... Bones.
McCoy : (sigh) Spock took over the Enterprise and took Pike back to the Talosians because it was the only way to free Pike's brain from the cage that his body had become. Get it? Body? Cage? Just like the name of the fucking episode!
Kirk : But ... But Bones ... we're talking about ... a ... culture of ... life ... if we can't save ... Terri ... the what ... happens ...to the ... helpless ... victims of ... abortion?
McCoy : I have no idea what your talking about Jim. What the hell does a brain dead woman have to do with abortion?
Kirk : But Bones ... she's a woman and ... we're on a ... strange new world ... and ...
McCoy : Oh please god no! Jim please tell me that you did not have sex with this woman. She's in a persistent vegetative state for gods sakes!
Kirk : .... uhhhhhhh ...
McCoy : You are such a fucking moron Jim.
Kirk : No ... Bones, wait. What if ... she's not ... really ... brain dead? What if ... they just ... didn't ... use the right ... test? What if they ... didn't ... test her ... with this balloon?
McCoy : Jim, when I called you a fucking moron I had no idea how much I was insulting the actual fucking morons of the universe...
Kirk : Terri ... Look ... at ... the ... balloon ...
McCoy : ... because even a moron's has a measurable IQ ...
Kirk : Bones! Did ... you see ...it? She ... looked at ... the ... balloon! Goood Terri Goood.
McCoy : God Dammit Jim I've run every test know to medical science. Do you think I just wave the fucking triquarter around for fun? Look. Look right hear on the tiny little screen. What does it say?"
Kirk : B ... b ... b brain Dead ... But ... Bones ... The balloon ...
McCoy : That's it. I can't take this any more. I quit! Fuck the five year mission ... I'm going back to M-113! Being eaten by a salt monster is more dignified that this!

* Unfortunately Dr McCoy is contractually obliged to appear accompanied by Captain Kirk. We are sorry for any confusion that Kirk brings to the debate.