When we last checked in on Hezbollah, they were busy with their annual
bake sale.
Today, via the
LA Times, we learn that not only has Hezbollah come to our shores but they have already established a shadowy network of operatives who are busy creating a
vast criminal empire in our own back yard!
What kind of criminal enterprise would a terrorist network like Hezbollah engage in you wonder? Is Hezbollah now selling Crack to our children in order to finace a nefarious war on our noble "War On Terror"? Are Hezbollah's shadowy operatives putting guns in the hands of the criminals who stalk our streets?
According to the article, the answer is "no". But just because our sons and daughters are still buying their Crack from respectable, hardworking, American dope fiends and the guns in the hands of our criminals are still all being purchased from redneck NRA members at gun shows is no reason to feel safe. There are more ways to mount a profitable criminal enterprise than just hustling crack rock and running guns! It should come as no surprise that a group like Hezbollah would engage in the most nefarious, most evil, most unamerican of enterprises in order to finance their "War on All Things Not Terror" and indeed they have. Right now, on the streets of our cities, agents on Hezbollah are trafficking in the most unholy of unholys : stolen baby formula!
That's right Hezbollah has swept into our major cities and, with the ruthless efficiency that only terrorist posses, has established a strangle hold on the lucrative hot baby formula market. But that's not all. According to the article:
Apparent involvement by alleged terrorists in the counterfeit goods trade also has caught the attention of the FBI, Treasury Department and Interpol, the global police agency, according to Matthew Levitt, a former FBI counterterrorism analyst.
Levitt told committee members that the best U.S. intelligence estimates showed Hezbollah received $20 million to $30 million a year from criminal fundraising activities in the United States. Its members are involved in stealing and reselling baby formula, food stamp fraud, grocery coupon scams, false welfare claims, credit card fraud and a wide array of counterfeiting operations, said Levitt, a frequent expert witness on Hezbollah for the Justice Department.
Dear god! Terrorist welfare cheats! Terrorist coupon scammers! Where does it end? How can America survive when terrorist can just roll up to the local grocery store in their brand new Cadillacs, double park in handicapped parking, and buy up all the beer, cigarettes, and t-bones with foodstamps and fake triple-discount coupons!?!
For the sake of our way of life, congress must act now to end welfare as we know it!
But is ending welfare for terrorist enough? According to our research, the answer is "no". Our sources tell us that terrorist agents are currently getting in the "10 items or less" line with 11 or more items. We have it on good authority that some of these terrorist even intend to try and pay with a check despite the fact that the "10 items or less" line is supposed to be cash only!
Despite the gravity of this situation, so far only one senator has stepped forward to menace this menace :
Sen. Susan Collins (R-Maine), the Homeland Security and Governmental Affairs Committee chairwoman, called on consumers to avoid buying counterfeit items even if there was only indirect evidence that terrorists were benefiting from the illicit trade.
We here at Grinding Metal Labs applaude Sen. Collins for having the bravery to ask Americans not to buy stolen and/or counterfeit goods from terrorist. As concerned citizens we are doing our part to amplify this meme: Please people, don't buy hot baby formula or counterfeit goods from swarthy terrorist types. If you have any doubt about your current dealer then please try to error on the side of safety. Find a dealer who's white and don't talk funny!
